100 Reasons to Hate Paperwork
by OnotoriousK
Summary: Roy is sick of paperwork. While trying to argue his way out of doing them he gets himself and his first lieutenant in a bet. He has to find 100 reasons to hate paperwork, she has to find a positive side to all of them. Rated T just in case.
1. Prologue

**Hey**

**This is my first piece of fanfiction (not to mention FMA or Royai) so I would really appreciate reviews and/or constructive criticism.**

**It's basically a humor fanfic but later on there _will _be Royai!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FMA...**

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**Prologue**

Sign...pretend to read... sign...pretend to read..."Arg!". The slight sign of insanity that escaped the colonel's mouth caught the attention of all present office members. Hawkeye sighed. "What's wrong, sir?". "I'm sick of it, Hawkeye. I don't wake up every morning to do the stupid, unreasonable paperwork!". Hawkeye grimaced slightly at her superior's outburst but she knew the situation couldn't be helped.

Havoc piped in. "Everybody has to do their paperwork, Chief. Even little kids have to do paperwork...Well a different kind of paperwork, but that still counts!". "He's right, sir." Fuery commented, "I guess it's just the way a country works". Knowing what was coming next, Hawkeye covered her ears. "When I am Fuhrer, There will be no more paperwork!". The office erupted into applause while Hawkeye couldn't help but sigh again at the colonel's childish antics. "Sir, you obviously fail to understand that paperwork is essential. It can't be as bad and unnecessary as you make it out to be" she said, her face turning back into it's usual no-nonsense expression. A smirk grew on the face of the black haired men. "Then how about a bet, lieutenant? I say that I can find 100 reasons to hate paperwork." Mustang suggested with a teasing tone, obviously trying to taunt his subordinate. "This is just ridiculous, sir" Hawkeye said . Havoc had to make things worse by adding to the pressure on the blonde. "Come on, Hawkeye. Liven up a little!". "Will you both leave me alone if I agreed to this... bet of yours?" she asked, desperately trying to get her superior and comrade back to work. The two men nodded with (seemingly too much) enthusiasm. "Fine. Havoc, set up the rules." Hawkeye said, sitting down while the two men high-fived each other.

A couple of minutes later, Havoc returned with a written contract making Mustang wince. "Don't you think you took it a little too far, Havoc? It seems very...binding". "Then why won't we just give it up, sir?" Hawkeye suggested, trying to struggle her way out of the bet. Seeing that, the colonel's will to see his lieutenant defeated took over. "No, Hawkeye! We shall continue. Read the contract, Havoc!".

Havoc cleared his throat, "This is a contract binding Colonel Roy Mustang and Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye to partake in the bet and fulfill it according to the conditions as seen below. Colonel Roy Mustang must try to find 100 reasons (that make sense) to why he hates paperwork, if one is found while said person is doing a sheet of paperwork he is excused from doing the same sheet. For him to do the said sheet a positive side to the reason must be found by Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye but the reason still counts as one of the 100 reasons, this being for encouragement for both sides of the bet. Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye wins if Colonel Roy Mustang fails to find 100 reasons in a time span of a year. Losing side must abide to a single wish made by the winner of the bet".

"Do you two accept this contract?" Havoc asked. The two looked at each other. Roy smirked making the women next to him sigh once again. "I guess we do" she said. The two signed the contract. Roy offered his hand, "Good luck Hawkeye", the sharpshooter shook his hand, " Good luck to you too,sir".

While the two stood there, Riza couldn't help but wonder if she just made a deal with the devil.

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**That's it!**

**I will probably post the first reason sometime next week so please keep on reading!**

**OnotoriousK**


	2. Work to The Top

**Took me a while, huh? Looking back it was a bit stupid to say it would only take me one week... me and my stupid (and insane) schedule.**

**Anyway... first reason up... quite an idiotic one but... you'll have to manage**

**Here we go.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FMA.**

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**Work to the Top**

A week passed since (what the team started calling) the "Fat Bait" and colonel Mustang has failed to find a single reason to his never ending hatred towards paperwork.

'Think, Roy, think…. There must be some thing evil about those paperwork… well… besides the fact that they're amazingly boring' He thought while, unknowingly, getting a glare from Hawkeye for not working. 'What's about them that makes them so…. Paperworkish… Paperwork…. Paperwork…. Paper… Work… Work!' The colonel jumped out of his sit, alerting all of his subordinates. "What's wrong, sir?" Hawkeye asked, her question followed by the sound of a gun being taken out of its holster. The infamous smirk on her superior's face allowed Hawkeye to relax her grasp of her gun. "I," the colonel said with a mighty tone, "just found a brand new reason to my absolute loathing of paperwork". Hawkeye could have sworn that if she'll sigh even one more time, white hair will not only grow on her head, it would eat her alive. Yet, her reaction was just that.

"Sir, you really shouldn't make such a big matter out of such a small thing. Besides, it is just 1 reason out of a hundred". "Then let me correct myself, lieutenant," the flame alchemist suggested, the blonde's response failing to wipe his smirk from his face, "I have just found a brand-new-first reason". The sigh already escaped the lieutenant's mouth in the middle of the sentence, but it didn't stop her hand from itching to pull the trigger while aiming a bit too closely to the flame alchemist's head. 'But,' she told herself, 'you should have considered it when you agreed to this bet'. "What is it, chief?" Havoc urged the colonel to reveal his up-until-now secret reason.

Mustang paused dramatically. "My reason is not only a reason, but also a fact! Paperwork includes the word work in it, therefore making it evil and hate worthy!" he said with a booming voice. The blondes stared at their black-haired superior with blank faces. "This reason is acceptable. Don't you think so, second lieutenant Havoc?" Falman asked, breaking the silence and making Havoc snap back into reality. "I… I think Falman is right, lieutenant" Havoc mumbled while trying to find the empty list in order to finally write the first reason. "If the official judge, AKA second lieutenant Havoc, said the reason is acceptable, then I am excused from this sheet of paper work!" Havoc turned to Hawkeye with a smile, "are you going to take your shot at the bet, Lieutenant? If not, you should hurry up and find somebody else who can do that sheet!"."Second Lieutenant Havoc, I suggest you refrain from interfering in such matters", Hawkeye glared at him while hissing, "or you would be the one doing all the paperwork around here for a while". Havoc gulped, "But… that is not part of the bet!" he stuttered, "I mean…" A sigh overcame his fumbled words, "don't worry, Lieutenant Havoc," the female officer said, "I have an upside to that - somehow unreasonable - reason. The one who will be doing paperwork around here will be the colonel and no one else".

Standing face to face with his first lieutenant, the flame alchemist couldn't help but grimace at the firm expression on the blonde's face. "Work", she said, "will get you to the top, sir, and paperwork is a part of work, as you have seemed to notice. My suggestion is that you get back to work if you want to achieve anything today". With that said, Hawkeye returned to her sit, leaving the black haired men standing with his mouth agape, wondering whatever or not the sharpshooter had some sort of super power that counterattacked all of his attempts to flee from his dreaded paper work. . "She got you there, chief" Havoc snickered. The colonel flopped into his chair and sighed. "How does she do that?!" the alchemist muttered. "She sees every thing, chief." Havoc said mockingly, "after all, she's got the Hawkeyes".

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**Cliche, I know, but a friend of mine (who helps me with this fanfiction) just loves the all "Hawkeye's got the Hawkeyes" thingie so i had to put it there.**

**about updating.... I'll update once every two weeks but I will update.**

**I would also like to say thank you to all the pepole out there who commented or even read this fanfiction, I really appreciate it.**

**OnotoriousK**


	3. Fullmetal

**Two weeks are two weeks and here is the new reason. I barely made it...but I guess I some how did huh?**

**Hope you'll enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA**

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**Fullmetal**

The office was once again quite for a while and left Riza with a shard of hope that the colonel might have forgotten about the bet. Bringing a new pile to his desk and returning to her one she couldn't help but wonder if this bet wasn't an excuse to drive her mad.

'The Fullmetal Alchemist started a riot in Lior… The Fullmetal Alchemist stopped a villain by destroying half of east city… The Fullmetal alchemist ate all the food in a village near Central….The Fullmetal Alchemist…' "Why does that good-for-nothing runt think he can go around doing idiotic things leaving me with a paperwork pile the size of Drachma?!" The colonel shouted. "As a matter of fact, sir, the size of you paper work pile is only as big as the Fullmetal alchemist's home town" Falman said, his correction adding to his superior's irritation. "Here he is again! Everything is about this grasshopper sized wannabe alchemist! He's everywhere and he's making paperwork just to annoy me!" the colonel huffed. "Sir, Fullmetal does not do anything to annoy you on purpose" Hawkeye said, finally lifting her eyes from her paperwork to see what all the noise was about, "besides, you have enough paperwork even without Fullmetal". "But the fact that his mentioned there isn't making it better!" the flame alchemist said through his clenched teeth. "Do I smell a reason?" the cocky chain smoker said while grinning. "You sure do, Havoc! I hate paperwork because… Fullmetal is always mentioned!" seemingly satisfied with the reason Havoc began scribbling something on the paper used for the list. "Let's see you beat this, Hawkeye!" he dark haired men said, a grin bigger then his paperwork pile spread across his face. Hawkeye sighed. 'Yep', she thought to her self, 'Definitely trying to drive me over the edge'.

Later that day, sitting in the cafeteria quietly, Hawkeye could finally concentrate on finding an upside to the colonel's reason. 'Fullmetal is not doing anything to annoy the colonel and yet he drives him mad" she mentally sighed, 'but... Fullmetal is a nice kid... he might not show it but he respects the colonel deeply'. "What's the agonized face about?" A Cocky voice asked. Riza had no need in looking up to see who it was, "Sir, I hope you still have that paper sheet". "I have it right here" he said, pulling out said sheet, "and I'm going to rub the fact that you couldn't find an upside by... how will it be most humiliating..." He mused for a second but the thoughtful expression was erased completely by a lopsided grin. "Hear ho! The residents of the canteen!" he shouted trough out the cafeteria. All heads were immediately turned to him, after all it's not everyday that a colonel goes mad in the middle of the cafeteria.... it's only Mondays. "I, Colonel Roy Mustang" he said but was interrupted by a long stream of shouting's. (Riza could make out some of them such as "Give me back my girlfriend!" and "You won't get my fiancé you hear?!"). He continued without heed, "I, Colonel Roy Mustang, outsmarted the infamous Lieutenant Hawkeye! And this very page is the Proof!" Everyone stared at him, and some started a whispered debate whatever or not he was joking. The colonel, looking all-too satisfied with himself, sat down next to hawkeye, flashing a boyish smile as he watched her clean her things from the table and go.

"Have an idea, Hawkeye? Because your time is ticking by" the colonel said, leaning over his table to sign another paper, the one he was excused from sitting not to fan away as if it's teasing the female sharpshooter. Hawkeye did not want to face it but he was right, the scene seen trough the window behind him emphasizing the fact that the day is going coming to its end. The setting sun seemed to mock her position and the birds chirping seemed like a proper preparation for tomorrow's rumors.

"You love Fullmetal, sir." The female lieutenant thought aloud, unaware of the strange yet inevitable thoughts she summoned to all of present office members heads. "H…Hawkeye" was all the colonel could outer with his facial expression in its current position of a right eye twitch and his mouth slightly agape with disbelief. Hawkeye, noticing the somewhat unhealthy reaction of her comrades, was quick to correct herself. "I mean in a fatherly way, sir, not anything else," she said, shooting Havoc a look, "every time he reads about him. it reminds him of something he loves, doesn't that count as a reason?" Havoc smiled sheepishly, "Sorry lieutenant. As long as the chief doesn't admit he… loves Fullmetal", he chuckled, "It can't be used as a reason". Hawkeye sighed, how the hell was she supposed to find an upside to that reason? The colonel despised Edward so much… 'Then maybe… I should think of an upside that…' "Colonel!" all present office members turned their heads to look at the unusually noisy lieutenant. "It keeps him off your back!" "Huh?" was the response she got from her officer. Of course it caused her to sigh. "Your paper work, sir. As long as you do your paper work, Fullmetal will come less frequently." The scribbling sound told her that her upside was accepted. Looking at the clock on the southern wall she saw that it was her time to leave. Feeling no need to stay extra time after her victorious win, Hawkeye picked up her coat and things. Saying her goodbyes to all her co-workers, she left the office.

Closing the door behind her, Hawkeye allowed herself to smile. Meanwhile, inside the office, one irritated colonel was anything but smiling and yet both of them had the exact same thought.

"Two down, ninety eight to go"

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**Tried to make it look as if the reason did not come so natural to Riza this time... I have to admit that writing about Ed made me laugh... He is so... short! But thinking abou how short he is definatley made my day.**

**I would also like to say thank you to every one who left a review. Reviews, after all, are what every one who writes here wants to get.**

**Constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated.**

**I hope you enjoyed the chapter.**

**OnotoriousK**


	4. So Cute!

**After watching Katekyou Hitman Reborn! I had an urge to include the word 'Extreme' in the chapter as many times as I can but I managed to repress said urge and only include one variation of said word.**

**And now serious business time. I want to thank all the reviewers and yes, the reasons you guys suggested will be used later on (I need to get to 100 reasons and every single one of them is helping me get there).**

**I hope you'll enjoy the chapter... to the EXTREME!**

**OnotoriousK**

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**So Cute!**

Hawkeye smiled to herself as she watched her superior work quietly. "Maybe something good would come out of this ridiculous bet". The phone rang, making the scenario in her mind go down the drain as a somewhat cosmic scheme started to roll.

The colonel picked up the telephone after the second ring, "Hello, Colonel Roy Mustang speaking" "Oh, Roy, you don't have to be so formal!" the all too familiar voice said cheerfully through the phone, "the only form of formal that should exist is the formal dress that Elicia wore for her kindergarten dance! Isn't that cute?".'He caught me! Again, he caught me near the phone! If only I could get out of the office…" The alchemist rested (Although it looked more like threw) the phone back to its place. "I'm going for a walk" The flame alchemist said, yet he was put to a stop by a firm leg that tripped him.

"What the…" "I don't think that walking around is your top priority while there is still an abnormally large pile of paperwork still on your desk, sir" The owner of the (extremely long, Mustang noted) firm leg that tripped the colonel said while returning to her normal sitting position. Cursing under his breath, Roy returned to his sit just in time to hear the phone on the right side of his desk ring again. After the fifth ring and a mean glare from his female lieutenant, the colonel picked up the phone. "Oi Roy! What took you so long? I think our last call was cut off… so… where was I? Oh! That's right! Some boys tried to annoy Elicia…" Over the sound of his best friend's grumblings, the flame alchemist groaned loudly (gone unnoticed by Hughes, who just kept talking). Scribbling something on a small note, the colonel turned to look at Havoc. "This" he said as he passed the small note to the chain smoker, "Is a marvelous reason to hate paper work". The blonde man looked curiously at the note. Seeing what was written in the small piece of paper sent Havoc smiling so widely that his cigarette came dangerously close to falling out of his mouth as he searched for the (by now notorious) list. Glancing side ways, Hawkeye saw what was scribbled in her superior's messy handwriting: 'Paperwork gives Hughes opportunities to catch my near the office phone'.

The sun outside was sinking into to the horizon, making the almost empty office look somewhat melancholic. Riza turned her head to look at her superior. The man has been chatting (or more like trying to end the conversation) with his best friend all day, but the man on the other side of the phone had lungs made of steel and left no space for Roy to try and force him off the phone. The pile on the man's table remained untouched through the whole conversation, of course. 'But', the sharpshooter admitted silently to her, 'it's not his fault…well, at least not this time'. Hawkeye stood up suddenly making her superior, who was not paying attention to the man loudly chatting to him over the other side of the phone, a bit alert and confused, both emotions easily detected across his face as he looked at her.

Taking the phone out of the alchemist's hand and putting it close to her ear, the blonde women prepared herself for her next action by taking a deep breath. "Major Hughes! Please don't use the military line for personal calls, especially personal calls that disturbed the colonel from doing his job!" "Well, Hello Ri…" before he could complete the sentence, Hawkeye slammed the phone back to its place, leaving her superior slightly amused at the not-quite outburst his lieutenant displayed. Seeing the smug look on her superior's face, Hawkeye strictly pointed on the humongous pile of paper work still on the desk, making the smirk on Mustang's face vanish. "I'll take half of it," Hawkeye said, causing the smile to reappear on the alchemist's face, "But it is the positive side to your earlier nonsense of a reason". "H…how did you know about it?" The alarmed man said as he watched his lieutenant (who took his second of silence as an agreement) making her way back to her desk. "Sir," she said as she turned around to face him, "You told me to watch your back and from there I can easily look over your shoulder".

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**As can easily be seen in the AN above I'm trying to put all the 'Extreme' I had in me into the the ANs so please excuse my EXTREME problem.**

**I feel a bit repetitve but reviews would be EXTREMEly appreciated.**

**I hope you enjoyed the chapter.**

******OnotoriousK**


	5. Salute to Private Cafeteria

**This chapter... took the life out of me! After overcoming some major obstacles (like pepole looking over your shoulder and trying to read what wite,or even better, random classmates trying to hit you), I have completed the chapter... Feels somewhat fulfilling. **

**I hope you'll enjoy the chapter. **

**OnotoriousK**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FMA.**

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**Salute to Private Cafeteria **

"Hawkeye…" "Paperwork first, sir" "But all the other teams already left for the cafeteria! They'll drink all the coffee years before we'll get there!" Cold days certainly effected Colonel Roy Mustang's (already limited) ability to concentrate. "I need my coffee, Hawkeye!" The whiny alchemist complained. "Without coffee there is no meaning to life!" "Don't worry, chief! You'll always have me!" The resident chain smoker joked as he grinned at the act of insanity displayed by the black haired man.

Seeing that his savior would not be the blonde man who was enjoying his agony a bit too much, the colonel looked around in search of an appropriate substitute. 'Too young' the alchemist thought to himself as he glanced at Fuery who was merrily chanting to Black Hayate, receiving the responses in bark form gladly. His search continued as he let his vision slip from one subordinate (or is future victim a more fitting term?) to another. Breda was, of course, of no help as he had forsaken his love for coffee. His alertness was in top shape ever since the black and white canine was found (and later, adopted) by his fellow co-workers and so the man of brightly colored hair found no need in adding another dose of energy to his already jumpy body. As Breda was crossed off from the list of legible candidates Roy was left with only one name.

"Falman!" the desperate colonel exclaimed, "You must understand how importantly energizing coffee can be, being your age and everything!" Falman grimaced at the younger man's unintentional insult. "For your information, sir, I am not as old as you might think" the grey haired man said as he stacked his paperwork, "and besides, my doctor says caffeine is not good for my health".

An awkward silence filled the office. Sensing failure, the colonel quickly withdrawn from the struggle. "I…I think I'll get back to work" "I think that would be a good idea, sir" The annoyed men glared at his female lieutenant but returned to his work nonetheless.

The colonel stared at the coffee machine that was placed near the northern cafeteria wall. "S…sir, It's not that bad" Fuery mumbled shyly and ran to the (nonexistent) food line in order to get his breakfast. "Fuery might be right, chief" the smoker said but as soon as he saw his superior's face he quickly turned around. "I'll go check if Fuery is eating right, boys his age are still growing so correct nutrition is important" Havoc said as he started walking and quickly joined his younger co-worker.

Seeing as there is a chance to get back for the earlier insult made by the man currently standing in front of the coffee machine, the oldest of Mustang's team decided to take the risk and annoy mustang as well. "It might be good for your health if you got rid of this coffee addiction, sir, your age and all" the warrant officer said as cockily as he could while still taking Mustang's extremely short temper and his will to live into consideration. Seeing as his (not so clever) insult fell on deaf ears, Falman, like the previous two soldiers, wondered to the other side of the room.

Mustang, coming back from his trip in dream land, slowly turned his head to look at the team members who still stood behind him. Hawkeye, standing the usual two steps behind him, was no surprise to the alchemist but Breda, who was already munching on an abnormally big sandwich, triggered Mustang's anger causing him to growl silently as he started walking in the men's direction, an intimidating feeling to his footsteps. "Now, now Breda, wouldn't you like to say something, comment about the situation perhaps?" Mustang asked as he slipped a glove over his left hand. The fuller man choked on his sandwich in response and was quick on his feet as he ran for cover.

A sigh sounded from behind the furious colonel. He turned around to find himself facing his female lieutenant, who remained still as he progressed towards Breda in order to frighten (or murder) the other man. "Sir, you shouldn't use such offensive ways to control your subordinates, especially when the situation could have been prevented if you would have done your paperwork "Hawkeye said, her voice calm yet critical."So what you are basically saying is…" the colonel pondered for a second, "that all this mess… happened because of the paperwork!" Although his eyes held the madness of a rabid dog, his mind quickly found a positive side to the miserable situation caused by his most hated thing. "This… is a marvelous reason!"

"Havoc!" The nearly mad man called his lieutenant, who was currently helping Fuery carry an overly full tray over to one of the empty tables. The blonde man hurried to his superior's side. "Lieutenant Havoc, please add the following fact as a reason on the list of reasons included in the bet" Havoc thought the intro the colonel made was a bit over the top but took the list out of his pocket. "Paperwork makes us late for lunch leaving us with no coffee. That is a major reason as to why I hate paperwork" the colonel grinned in a satisfied manner, an expression quickly replaced by a shocked one as soon as he noticed the small smile present on his usually cold lieutenant's face.

"W…what is it?" "It's just that finding an upside to this reason is easy" Hawkeye said, her smile quickly disappearing. "Look around you, sir, we have the cafeteria all to ourselves. Don't you prefer the silence of this empty room over the noise some soldiers can make?" As if on cue, Fuery and Breda chose that exact moment to start calling Havoc to join them at their table with Falman at the far end of the room. Havoc, after nodding his understanding to both Mustang and his female lieutenant and promising he would write the reason and the upside later on, ran to join his comrades.

Hawkeye began making tea, the tiny smile appearing on her face once more. "What is it now?" Roy asked, his eyes following the blonde's every movement. "It's just that… you wouldn't have gotten away from any paperwork even if I couldn't find an upside" After receiving a confused look from the dark eyed man, Riza explained. "You usually find reasons to hate paperwork while doing them, so according to the bet's contract you are excused from doing the sheet you were currently working on, correct?" Roy gave a curt nod. After putting the tea bag inside her cup, Riza sat down while whirling the contents of her cup and continued. "While you gave that reason just now you weren't working on anything" she looked at him that small smile still there, "You really got into the bet and completely forgot everything else". Roy sat down next to the woman and leaned on his palm after positioning his elbow on the table. "Forgetting everything huh? I guess I can do that some times".

Sitting there, looking at Riza as she drank her tea quietly, Roy couldn't help but agree. A private cafeteria was, indeed, a great thing.

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**I would like to thank all the reviewers. There is nothing better then a review after a hard days work.**

**And after thanking those who already reviewed comes the never ending (and somewhat greedy) plea for more reviews and constructive criticism. **

**Thank you for reading!**

**OnotoriousK**


	6. Here It Goes Again

**Disclaimer: I do not own FMA**

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******Here It Goes Again**

"This cannot be happening" he mumbled, "It just can't".

Hawkeye turned to look at her superior, not surprised to find him engaged in an action that was not signing papers. "What is it now, sir?" she said while moving towards his desk. The expression the colonel's face was one of pure horror. He was staring at the index finger of his right hand intently. So intently, in fact, that it made Hawkeye wonder where all that intent was when he was trying to sign his paperwork.

Hawkeye joined her superior in staring at his finger. After a couple of long minutes, she broke the silence, "I don't see any problem, sir. Please get back to your work". The blonde lieutenant turned to leave but was firmly turned around. "Can't you see what's wrong, Hawkeye?" The black man shoved his finger in front of her face, "You can't see what's wrong?".

Hawkeye tried to squint her eyes so she could inspect the finger just an inch away from her nose, "Sir, I can't look at your finger like that, it hurts". Mustang sighed but moved his finger away from the blonde's face. "It's horrible, Hawkeye. Just downright horrible" he mumbled as he throw himself back into his chair. "I don't understand, sir" she said as she grabbed his hand, "I don't see any thing wrong with you're...". Then she saw it. A tiny red drop coming out of a thin, barely visible line.

"I got a paper cut, Hawkeye". The sound of the safety of a gun coming off was soon to follow.

"But it wasn't my fault!" He shouted desperately as the gun was adjusted so it pointed directly between his eyes. "It's all because of the paperwork, Hawkeye!" He whined. "I hate them! I hate those..." A smile began to spread across his face. Before another word could be said, the colonel dived head first into the piles of paper in front of him. "I know I left it here somewhere" he mumbled, "It's been a while but still... oh! Here it is!".

"Indeed, sir, here is your dreaded list" she said with a blank face. The colonel smirked. "You know, lieutenant, they say that behind every joke there is a bit of truth". He quickly scribbled the reason on the paper and shoved it into one of the drawers. "Do you have an upside, lieutenant?" Mustang asked teasingly, waving the paper that caused all the ruckus. Riza was stunned, although she didn't show it. She completely forgot about that part of the bet, but she had no choice. Who could possibly find an upside to a paper cut?

Much to Roy's amusement, her face was slightly flushed as she took the paper from his hand and returned to her sit. "That's it, Hawkeye? Not even a try?" he taunted. Hawkeye lowered her head and tried to focus on her paperwork.

"No, sir. Not even a try".

**A week later**

"This cannot be happening. It just can't". Hawkeye sighed, it really can't be happening... again. Instead of starting to question the colonel, like last time, Hawkeye walked straight to his desk and grabbed the injured hand. The current cut awakened the one before it, leaving Roy's finger with a stream of blood coming out of it. Hawkeye sighed. No way would the colonel be able to sign papers with his finger like that.

"Can one of you get me a band aid from the first aid kit?" she asked, directing the question the the rest of Mustang's team. "Do we even have one?" was Brenda's oblivious retort. "We have to have one" Fuery commented, "It's military regulations". "So can you bring me a band aid, Fuery?" Hawkeye asked again. "I'm sorry, sir, but I don't know where it is" That was Hawkeye's cue to sigh again. "I'll get it myself, then" she said and walked toward the office closet. She opened it to find the usual mess. After sending a dirty look in Havoc's general direction, she took out the first aid kit only to find it empty.

She turned to her comrades, "What is the meaning of this, lieutenant Havoc?". "Why are you asking me?" He whined, "It could have been any one!". Hawkeye just continued to glare until Havoc's brow began to twitch. "It was you, then?" the simple question sent Havoc sobbing.

"I...It wasn't my fault! Two weeks ago, I had a date so I went to pick some roses for her and my fingers got hurt!" He said, holding his hands above his head, "And the worst part is that when I came back to take the flowers, they weren't there! And the girl never showed up!".

"Oh, so they were yours?" The colonel asked quietly. All the office members turned to look at him. "What? The flowers?" Havoc asked, bringing his hands down. Mustang cringed a bit, "And the girl". "You mean... Alice? From the dress shop?" "I guess it was her. I don't remember her name exactly" Roy answered, rubbing the back of his head.

"Why did you do that, chief?" Havoc was sobbing. Again. "I...I'm sorry,Havoc. I'll find you another girl" the colonel said. "But I don't want another girl! I really liked Ali...!" "And if I'll promise not to steal this one?" Havoc looked warily at Mustang, "You'll promise?". "Cross my heart" was the replay, with the accompanied gesture, of course. "Fine"

Hawkeye broke the silence, "Sir, would you please come with me to the infirmary?". Roy blinked, "Why?".

"You are bleeding all over your paperwork" she answered.

In a matter of minutes, the two were at the infirmary with Roy sitting on the patient's bed and Riza cleaning the small cut. Roy stared down at Riza, "Why wouldn't you let the doctor do it?". "I didn't want to trouble him with such nonsense" she said, causing Roy to grimace at the unemotional answer. The blonde saw the look on her superior's face and did not understand. Was he in pain? What could she do?

"S...sir" Riza stuttering? That was something new.

"What is it?" He asked. "If I..." here goes nothing, "K...kissed the pain away... would you count it as an upside to a paper cut?". That was it. Roy burst with laughter. "Hawkeye, you never cease to amuse me!" he managed to say between fits of laughter. "Would you, sir?" She asked again, trying to keep her composure. Roy sighed one last time. This was too much.

"Only if you'll do it every time I get a paper cut, of course" he said jokingly. Riza must have missed the joking tone, since she leaned down and gently kissed the cut. Before Roy could even be surprised the contact between them was gone and his finger had band aid on it. Riza quickly stood up and made her way to the door.

The pain was gone and so was Hawkeye.

'What just happened?' Roy asked himself, as he slowly made his way back to the office. He opened the door. The room was quiet. An awkward kind of quiet. Roy started to look around. He had to break the silence. Suddenly, it hit him. Riza did the paper for him, but now that she found an upside...

"Hawkeye!" he said loudly, causing her to look up at him, "How can I repay you?". It took her a couple of seconds to understand what he was talking about, but Riza was never one to fall behind.

She smiled slightly, "I think I have just the thing". Looking back, the awkward silence seems quite inviting.

"You have got to be kidding me, lieutenant" "It is some kind of paper work" Roy grimaced, "I do not consider your shopping list a kind of paper work". Riza looked up at him, "It is a paper with some kind of work written on it. It is a kind of paper work. The kind that has a lot of work on it. We should get going". It was Roy's turn to sigh.

This was going to be a long day.

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**AN: Heh. What can I say... I'm of the fashionably late kind?**

**(Criticism of the constructive is always welcome...)**


	7. Titin

**Disclaimer: I do not own FMA... or Shakespeare... or "Pirates of the Caribbeans"... Wait, what?**

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**Titin**

"Hawkeye, what is this?" "It's a paper, sir" "No, I mean... What is the meaning of this word?"

Hawkeye sighed. The man can always find a reason to stop singing the stupid paper work. "It means to circle, sir" "So why can't they just write 'to circle'? Really..." the man mumbled, but to Hawkeye's relief, returned to his paperwork.

The female lieutenant returned to her sit and sighed. She wasn't sure if the colonel had a restricted vocabulary or if the higher ups were using difficult words to see if his reading comprehension was good enough. Either way, he failed. She returned to signing her own papers.

"Hawkeye?" she sighed. Her last name was becoming a burden. She turned around to look at the black haired man. "What is it now, sir?" she asked, her tone suggesting she was slightly annoyed. "There is this other word..." he said quietly. Hawkeye sighed again, "Show it to me". Mustang made his way to her table and showed her the paper.

Watching from his own table, Jean Havoc couldn't help but let out a little laugh. It was a known fact that Hawkeye was the one running the office but there was a huge difference between that and ordering your superior around. And the best part? Neither Hawkeye nor Mustang noticed.

Havoc returned to his paperwork but was quickly disturbed by a meek voice calling for him. Looking to where the voice came from, he spotted a slightly flushed Kain Fuery. Havoc turned completely towards the younger man. "What is it?" He asked, the unlit cigarette in his mouth dangling with every word. "I... I don't understand it... I... I feel so stupid!" The bespectacled man stuttered. "What don't you understand?" Havoc asked and lazily made his way over to the younger man, who just pointed a certain word on the page. Havoc's eyes grew wide... and still couldn't capture the whole word. He might not seem like it, but Havoc was the type of guy who woke up in the morning and went to fill the daily crossword puzzle while having his morning cigarette. He was not used to not knowing a word.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye! What... what is this?" Havoc yelled. "You as well, Havoc?" the female lieutenant asked, knowing the answer fully. Once she was over by the two currently vocabulary troubled man, she looked at the word and quickly became vocabulary troubled herself. She knew the word from somewhere, but the meaning? No way. There was only one person that could possibly know the meaning of this word. "Falman, would you please come and look at this word?" Hawkeye asked, making everyone remember that they had another intellectual in their office, beside her. "Honorificabilitudinitatibus, the state of being able to achieve honors" The gray haired man said, after only a glance at the word.

Everyone headed back to their respective tables, but something was still troubling Hawkeye. "Falman, was this word used in a book? Or even a movie?" she asked holding her chin, trying to remember where she had heard the before. Falman smiled. "You are correct, as always, lieutenant. The word is a hapax legomenon in Shakespeare's works" He answered, making a confused expression appear on the lieutenant face. "What is a hap...?" "This is more then enough!" The colonel cut Hawkeye's question with his outburst, "They're using Shakespeare on me? And besides, what's up with the long words in those paperwork? And what the hell is Luposlipophobia?".

"Well, sir, Luposlipophobia is..." "I was not serious about that, Falman" "Sorry, sir"

Havoc was tempted to do something incredibly stupid. But then again, he was an honest man. A very bored, honest man. "Sir... Don't you hate those long words on these stupid paperwork?" A brave, bored, honest man indeed. Hawkeye shot him a mean look. This was no time for the stupid bet. The deadline was tomorrow morning!

Mustang smirked triumphantly. "You're right for a change, Havoc!" He said as he dived in search for the list over the sound of a complaining smoker. "Now, that I have nothing to do", the colonel said while putting his verbally challenging sheet of paper away, "I shall go for a walk".

Mustang exited the room, not before making sure everyone saw him do so. He started walking down the hall when he felt the familiar presence behind him. "Don't you have some paperwork to do, Hawkeye?" He said smirking, fully knowing that she had at least one sheet of paper to sign. "I finished all of them... except for one, sir. One that can wait" she answered.

The two went out into the city, ignoring the looks they were given. Military soldiers were not an uncommon sight in central, but everyone knew about the flame alchemist. He was a war hero after all. Among the staring people was a girl who caught Roy's eye. She was holding a book while staring, her glasses slipping down her nose.

He turned to Hawkeye. "Stay here for a minute, lieutenant" He said, waving a gloved hand at Hawkeye. Hawkeye sighed. Never one to miss a lady, was he? But Hawkeye wasn't one to miss a threat. The minute she'll leave his side something terrible might happen. Like a rabid dog biting him... or something. Well, maybe she was being a bit paranoid, but that girl really did look suspicious. She did not follow behind him in the usual two-steps distance, but she still was within hearing range of the little chit chat.

"What are you reading there?" the colonel asked, startling the girl. Pushing the glasses that trailed down her noise as she jumped in surprise, the young woman looked alert. "I... I was just reading Shakespeare. I... It's really hard to understand every single word" she mumbled, trying to hide herself behind the book.

Roy glanced at the book, "I see.. 'Love's Labour's Lost'... A classic". He snatched the book from the too-shy- to-protest girl and began reading. "'O! They have lived long on the alms-basket of words'" He said, full of self confidence. What is a colonel rank worth if you can't read a bit of Shakespearean English?

"'I marvel thy master hath not eaten thee for a word, for thou are not so long by the head...'" as his eyes jumped forward in attempt to prepare the colonel's brain for the words to come, Roy Mustang encountered a very familiar word. 'Oh shoot, it's that word again! Falman did mention it being a... blah-blah-menon in Shakespeare. How do you pronounce it?'

Watching from a distance, Hawkeye could almost see steam coming out of her superior's head. That's a bit suspicious... but not too unusual.

'Yes! Now I remember!' "'...as Honorificabilitudinitatibus; thou art easier swallowed than a flap-dragon'" Mustang said, finishing the memorable (to some more then others) quote. The bespectacled girl looked surprised, "T... That was quite impressive, sir". He smirked, "You don't have to be so formal. The name's Roy Mustang and I can be even more impressive. So, how about you'll join me for dinner tonight and I'll impress you some more?". Upon hearing the all to known phrase, Riza cringed. He was not going to get any kind of dinner unless he finishes his paper work. She was going to make sure of that.

"Let's go back, Hawkeye" she heard the colonel call, "I have some plans for tonight, so I better finish some of my paper work". "Yes, sir" Hawkeye called back knowing all too well that once they are back at HQ the colonel was going to laze around again. Roy glanced at his lieutenant, a small smirk still apparent on his face. "You know, Hawkeye, You don't have to be so formal" he said quietly and watched her, waiting for her reaction. She glared, "Just like that girl over there, right, sir?".

"You heard all that?" he asked trying to keep his temper. "That could be counted as eavesdropping on your superior, Hawkeye" "Just as your miniskirt plan can be called treason, sir" Hawkeye answered. "And besides" she continued, "if I didn't listen I wouldn't have found an upside". "An upside? That's got to be good" Mustang announced mockingly.

"Knowing all those long words make you look knowledgeable" she said, her tone lacking emotion. Roy looked a bit baffled. She found an upside because he was flirting. He scratched his head, "Fine, Hawkeye. I'll sign that stupid sheet of paper". He glanced at his companion again. Her mood was more important then any bet. He relaxed a bit when he saw a tiny smile tug her lips.

"You know, I was serious when I said you don't have to be formal" "And I was serious when I refused" "Riza, how many times must I ask you to call me Roy?" "At least once more, sir, as always"

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**AN: Well, this chapter has quite a bit of quotes and references from "Pirates of the Caribbeans". Cheers to the one who can point out at least two.**

**Another is that I really appreciate all the reviews! And after so much time without an update, too!**

**By the way, the name for the chapter is a shorter version of the longest (technical) word in existence. Check it out!**

**(Today's surprise, I successfully spelled ****suspicious)**


	8. ReCycle

**Disclaimer: I do not own FMA.**

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**(Re)Cycle**

He always anticipated lunch time. Always. It was the only time when he could get some action. He sat quietly by the table and waited. A knock on the door startled him and he stood up abruptly. The door opened slowly to reveal Kain Fuery. "Are you coming?" the officer asked quietly. He wagged his tail and barked.

Yes, lunch time was defiantly Black Hayate's favorite time of the day.

Late. If there is one thing you can trust colonel Mustang to do is to be late. Hawkeye sighed at thought. The only thing that varied each day is the reason the colonel was late. Not too much to anticipate. She looked at the clock. It was five minutes into lunch time. He sure overdid himself, this time.

Roy Mustang made his way to central HQ. Usually the walk wasn't so bad. The morning breeze was nice on his skin and all the young ladies that were already walking the streets thought the way it ruffled his hair was quite a charming sight so early in the morning. But when the same road is taken about seven hours later, it is much less blissful. The sun is harsh, making sure no one can ignore it and the young ladies from the early hours are replaced by less-then-happy cat ladies feeding their cats with unpleasant smelling left overs.

As he walked through HQ's main gate he noticed something terrifying. Black Hayate was out playing with Fuery and that could only mean one thing. Lunch Time. He was a dead man walking. Mustang couldn't take that his eyes of the dog that symbolized his death which made the tree's way to his face much easier.

The impact threw the colonel to the ground with a loud groan on his side. The familiar voice caught Hayate's attention and in no time he was all over Roy, licking the pain away.

"Get off me,you mutt!" He managed to say through clenched teeth while trying to pry the dog off of himself. "I ... I'm sorry, sir!" said the gasping Fuery, "He doesn't run off like that normally!". "Get him off me this moment! Or I'm sending you back to training , master sergeant!". Fuery was slightly baffled by the sudden outburst but was quick to fulfill his superior's wish.

After a lot of complaining on the colonel's part and even more apologizing on Fuery's part, the two finally made it to the office to find a very displeased Hawkeye. "I see you found another stray, Fiery?" She asked, "Because you know we can't handle another one". Roy groaned. "Fine! I get it , Hawkeye! It's not like I wanted to be late!". She glared at him,"Then why were you?". That was Fuery's cue to stumble outside as quickly as he could. Everybody knows you do not want to be present when Colonel Mustang and his aid are fighting. "For your information, First Lieutenant Hawkeye" he said, stressing her rank for emphasis, "I... bumped into a tree" He finally managed to blurt out, "And... I had to go take care of the bump". She looked at him skeptically."Really!" "Let me see the bump then" Roy smirked. Just what you'll expect from his trustful right hand and just what he needed to get out of doing his paperwork, at least for now. "Here it is" He said and lifted the bangs, "see?". Hawkeye looked at the bump for what seemed to be forever to Roy until she finally declared the bruise meaningless. "What?" The black haired man whined as he followed his blonde companion who made her back to her desk to pick up some more paper work. "That bruise is less then a scrap , sir, now please get to work. We are already behind the schedule" She said and looked at the pile of paper work she just placed on the table. She glanced at the colonel who was still staring blankly at her. She took half of the pile back to her desk. This was going to be a long day. She sighed. At least half of it was already over. Three hours later, colonel Mustang's office was more active then any other office. Officers were running from desk to desk, and that's not including their usual nonsense. The only person in the room who looked uninterested to get any work done was the cause of all the trouble. You guessed it. Roy Mustang was sitting at his desk, staring at the paper sheet he was supposed to be working on. 'Why the heck would someone invent this sinister thing called paperwork? Isn't there enough evil in this world?' The bump on his forehead itched. 'I mean... trees are more then enough evilness for us to handle'. He stared at the mess that was his office. Breda was trying to sign some of his papers while stuffing a sandwich into his mouth, Havoc was trying to fix a paper he accidentally turned into a paper plane of and Fuery and Falman were taking bags of excess papers to the recycle bins. Bang. 'Paperwork...Paper...Trees...' "Hawkeye!" He shouted out of nowhere making all heads turn to him,"I have a reason". The lieutenant grimaced slightly, "Sir, do you really think now is the time?". Roy smirked, "Any time is the right time for me to win this bet!". "Write this reason down , Havoc!" "Sir... It took you so long to come up with another reason that we threw the list away". The smirk vanished. "You ... what?". Fuery started quivering, "W...we're sorry, sir! It's just that..." "Be quiet,Fuery!" This was more shouting then Fuery could handle. He fainted. "Second lieutenant Havoc, please take Fuery to the hospital wing" "Yes, sir, First Lieutenant Hawkeye, sir" "But what about the list?" Everybody sent the colonel a bewildered look. "...What?" "I...I think we haven't thrown the garbage out yet" Havoc said as an after thought, causing Mustang's eyes to brighten. "It might still be in the trash can under your desk" "Yes!" Roy shouted as he dived under his table. He was quickly able to find it thanks to the large title that read "The List". Without coming out from under the table he quickly scribbled the reason to the bottom of the page. He began rising from under the desk "Now here you go, Hawk...Ouch!" The desk thought otherwise. "Then what's the reason , sir?" Hawkeye asked without giving him a second look. After a few seconds of complaining came the answer. "Paperwork wastes trees" He said childishly while trying to sooth his aching forehead. "Well sir, you couldn't have found an easier reason to counter" Roy stared at the lieutenant. "That's right, sir" She said, her lips slightly tugged up, "If paperwork uses up trees you won't bump into them". Roy looked as if he was stroke by lightning. Feeling the need to brake the sudden silence Havoc shrugged. "She's right sir. You bump into trees, complain, someone hears and cuts them down and uses them to make paperwork. It's some sort of a cycle.". "Havoc" "What is it,sir?" "Shouldn't you be taking Fuery to the infirmary?" "Oh, Shoot!"

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**AN: ...Blah.**

**That was harder then I thought. Sorry it took so long. Those so called holidays give me nothing but more work to do but at least one good thing came out of the rushed writing of this chapter: I found a software that forces me to write! Hurray!**

…**. Wait a minute...**

**Anyway, always remember that constructive criticism is truly appreciated!**


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